For the past few days ...i feel like im alone....status only shows that im attached..but the real fact i dont feel like i am....he spent most of his time with other things...when he with me,his mind and heart is totally not with me....physically his with me...but mentally....he's busy texting his friends or check his facebook or twitter...but when he's with his friends ....when i text him.....i didnt get the same attention as his friends....he will just ignored my messages...am i not that important like his friends???..why can't i get the same treatment as them?all i expect for is for him to just reply my messages...is that too much to ask for???i only left with a few more days with him before he go serve for national service....all i wanted is to spend my few days left with him.....but seem like he dont need me...and just now...the whole entire day he didnt even spent time with me...but he spent time at his hp....since 2 p.m till now...his been with the phone....why the hell he want to meet me if all he wanted is to use his hp....?might as well he go back home straight...and to my shock...he did lay his hand on me...........i feel more like a partner than a lover......dont i have feeling too??with a glimpse of an eyes...ppl change.....what he ever care for is himself....do he ever thought what he did to others???did he??he throw his tantrum as and when he wish...am i still forcing myself to accept this???am i?....when i first know him...he never dare to lay a finger on me...never?
!but why now everything seems to change??.he call me names....then why he still want me??why??is he making use of me??alot of things i been keeping to myself....when is the time am i going to burst out???till when can i control my patient for him???.if his asking for prefection......i cant deny that im not perfect......it hurts you more when the person u never expect to treat harshly to u turn out to be the one....dear..smurfy..all i ask for is for u to  spent time with me.......and show me some sense that im needed in your life........sorry if what i ask you is too much for you.....i hope u realised soon that u are being harsh..........

Its been a long time that i didnt update my blog...been busy with sumthinz else....

I learnt sumtinz that makes me buck up...

hmmm...yesterday....i went out with dearest hubby to vivo city.....everything goes well until the time we went home....we caught up with some misunderstanding.....i wasnt refering  to him....but he think that i does.....and he think  that i look dont on hym.....

BIE..IF I EVER  LOOK DOWN ON U....I WONT BE WITH U AT THE FIRST PLACE.....THINK!!!

dont accuse we anyhow and say all the harsh things towards me by all means....

u said to me 

"AQU DH MALAS NGAN KAU.....

AQU MENYESAL KUAR NGAN KAU.......

SUNDAL.....

KAU CUCI KAU PEY MULOT PON CANTEK......

KAU  SIAM DARY HIDOP AKU PON CANTEK...."

Selame sepuluh bulan nie i ngan u.....nie aper yg i dpt????nie sumer kuar dary ur own mouth.....this how u treat me ???this how u show that u love me???

im not a doll with no feeling.......im a human being like u........

why are u soo heartless???

why is it  so easy for u to hurt others but u can accept it when other hurts u???

it is just a misunderstanding between us....and u started to throw all that mean thing to me.....

when it was u who has make a mistake....it is just easy for u to sae sorry.....BUT when it comes to me........saying sorry is worthless.....

u just will brag ang brag and making them worse......u dont even tend to solve it.......

IS THIS HOW U PROVE TO ME THAT U REALLY LOVE ME?.??WHEN  WE HAD AN ARGUEMENT......THE MAIN THING IN UR HEAD IS BREAKING UP......

dont treat me lyke on of ur ex......cause i feel lyke im one of them........

i just need u to change the way u treat me.....

im sorry if i have done any mistake .....

all have change now.......:('

I MISSH YOU BBY.....

i know this will happened again.......lyke last tyme.....when ur tyme are occupied.....there isnt any tyme for me.......and therefore......things will starts change slowly......u will easily get  mad aft done with ur werk...........i noe u are tired.......but do u styll remember that  who am i to u???when ur tyme is fully occupied u tend to forget what u have and who u  with all this while..............a gerl,sick and was alone at home,waiting for sumone to at least txt her.....saying what are u doing???are u ouhkayy????and stuff....
but she dnt receive any.....expecting  a call????that will never be done......just a simple msg...but she cant get it......but yet this gerl......she pick her phone up ...and call hym,that was her bf,but he rejected it  txt her".iam werking".....then she reply hym and said she will call hym during his break tyme.....
ans she waited and waited patiently until it was 6 p.m...cause  that was the tyme that he is having his break......she called hym again......and the called was being rejected.......and he  txt her "?"......that gerl wondered....why cant she talked to hym just for a while during his break tyme???and that guy scolded her in the msg saying that cant she understand that his hp batt is flat.........the gerl keep quiet and  doest disturb hym animore..........then......she lay down on the bed........and  suddenly she vomitted......and start having difficulty to breath......she called her mom  and asked her to be home quick..........she noe that she cnnt seek help frm hym.....althought the person she expecting the most to be by her side was hym.......but he was not the one................theres once  that the guy said to her....'u are troublesome'....frm dere....the gerl realise that when she is sick.......he cant tcre of her.....she appreciate whatever that he has done for hym and frm the bottom of her heart she wanted to say sorry cause she has trouble hym and burden hym......she know that now when he is out there.....he have many better gerls than her.............she even noe that he dislike her to give no to others and he also asked her to change her no.......and she do it..........but she get to noe that he give no to sumone...........she just smile and deep inside theres a millions tears hidden......
im sorry.....
*the gerl*

Being in relationship  thought me alot of things.........

The sweet moment that should be cherish and the hurtful momonet that cant be forgotten.....

love come sincerely on the bottom of ur hearts....it can be force.....love makes u be afraid of getting hurts....when u are in love with sumone ,u just cant stop thinking of them.......u need them by ur side every moment.....u feel safe and comfort when they are near u......dnt ever treat ur loves one lyke a srew driver which u only take them out when u need to screw sumtinz...when u need them..orelse  it will be keep in a tool box and being lock in the store.......

why when u have an arguement u tend to scold them...ditch them .....and throw all the harsh werds to ur love ones...??u even can look down on them.......i just dont understand why u have the heart to look down on them and critic them when acually u are with them.......

when u are with ur peeps u tend to forget them......u need to understand one another .......if ones is a fire.....the other should be the water........never ever  put high hope on the one u loves cause one day they will make u disappointed......they tend to find others more then u when u had an arguement wit them....

being in rlatonship teaches me to be patient..to endure and make me stonger and stronger to face the cuming obstacles.....when u love sumone u will tend to put ur heart and soul....and u trusted them full heartedly.....but sumtimes the break ur trust for them....trust is lyke paper that i easily crumbled.......

when they betray u....they lie to u.........they ignore u..they hurts u.....ur heart just broke into pieces.....

some feel lyke running away....some will revenge but only some will cry and let they be the only one that get hurts.......why cant we be treated lyke an human being that have feelings???we are not a toy which is heartless.......why cant we try not to hurts others......?

being in a relationship is bcorz u need sumone to care for u...lurve u......be a listening ears for u.....accompany u in ur  lyfe and bring the happy moment together ....it isnt abt hating them and hurting them.......

Bby please dnt hurt me .....:(

                                      

Dearest smurfy........

how should i phrase it..........bie...i just wanna sae that our arguement start bcorz of the outing.....u plan the outing and i really look forward for that day but end up it is just a disappoinment for me........if u noe u want werk then why u plan and gif false hope bie....???i bet u also dnt lyke last min chamge of plans ryte..........and bcorz of this u say this will be the last u cntct me???wat acually u want to say???and for the first tyme u talked to me lyke that...be do u noe that that hurts alot.......i have never expect the one that i love have the heart to say to me lyke tat...........u really dnt have too....im sorrie for making u love me and im sorrie for  making u having me in ur lyfe......im sorrie......u swear that u wont let me down for the second tyme but  now u really do.....and that hurts alot alot.......thx bby for everytinz and sorrie for all that have gone wrong.....u will be happier now aites.......remember although im far frm u bck i always lurve u.......t cre......:'(

To my dearest yanii.........
firstly i wanna say sorrie for not replying ur msg yesterdae cause i slip already ....den i wan reply u aft i woked up but i scared if that is not ur no.......so i writ down here at my blog.....if u came by to read my blog......i wanna sae.....i mad at u that tyme bcorz the day before u top up smurfy hp.....u were otp with me......and before u put down the phone u said that u will get thru me to pass msg to smurf......that y i waited.......and get to noe frm smurfy the nxt day saying that u top up for hym just to otp with hym.......yanii ....adyla tak mrh pon kalo yanii nk bbl ngan smurf cause adyla tawu yg yanii tak adr intention laen....and i believe that.......u only want to asked for help......kalo yaniii org top up kn hp mataer yanii just to tok to hym....yanii mrh tak......??i understand ur situation dear......adyla tak suke psl ya nii ckp laen tapy yanii uat laen....u say u will get thru me to pass msg to smurf but end up u top up his hp and tok to hym ask for help.......and what i wrote earlier at my blog saying that dnt let others interfere to our rlationship....i was trying to sae that dnt let  other to solve the prob ....do u noe that .....me and smurf argue just bcorz i was defending u while he was defending ating......haiss......n listen here...although i am mad at u tat tyme....i dnt have any grudges  on u........i styll regards u s my frenz.....and dnt worry im not bragging abt this animore...wat past is past aites bby......im sorrie if  i was harsh.......t cre aites....n promise me u wnt do stupid stuff eventhough u are down.........
adyla......

Message receive on 19 oct 2010.......
1.41 a.m..
"BBY....
I WANNA CNFESS SUMTIN...NOWDAYS ,I DUNNOE WAT,I DUNNOE WHY I TEND 2 MISS U EASILY...EVEN THOUGH I TEND 2 GET IRRITATED BY U SUMTIMES,I TEND 2MISS THE CUTE SMILE OF URS,UR EYES,UR BBY FACE,N WAT I MISSES MOST IS WHEN U SULK...I MISS THOSE THINGS WHENEVER URE NOT WIT ME...ALL THIS TINGS HAD REALI MADE ME HARD TO LET GO OF U...I LOVE U BBY...I LOVE U...THX FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE 2 LOVE U,I SWEAR TO GOD I WUD NOT LET U DOWN FOR THE SECOND TYME...U HAVE WON MY HEART LYK NO ONE USE 2....CONGRATS HONEY....NOW SLIP TYTE KAY?CNT WAIT 2 MYT U....."
And today when u meet me......it tends to be that u are not showing what u said......just now check on his hp as usual......then i knew that his frenz had msg hym just now...but when i check the msg is gone.....so i ask hym nicely says that'u delete msg npk?'den he started to  raise his voice at me....wow..!!thx aites.......dislike ppl does tat to u but u tend to do it at others........aft that he open the gate  and walked off lyke that..........u want show ur attitude to me????might as well dnt txt me lyke this earlier......msg bbl baek2.......dah jumpe prangai last warning........k fine........u want to create a scene ..........den up to u.........u always says but u never proof wat u says.......hate me to go off just lyke but now u doing that do me.....really thx ........!thx for everythinz...!gdbye.......